One day, I'm going to be raised up in glory - famous.
I'll attend the Grammies with my good friends Jewel and Tori Amos
I'll talk to everyone, I'll barely pause from my first breath
Except to frown at Courtney Love, because I blame her for Kurt's death
And Shania Twain will walk up to me, wearing a buckskin vest
And confide to me, privately, that she's been much impressed
By everything she's heard from me, and would I like date her?
And I'll reply "You'd like Melissa, I'll introduce the two of you later"
Then, leaving the girls to talk amongst one another, I'll advance
To a clear space in the lobby, and stop a while to dance
Only to be interrupted by Tom Waits and Leonard Cohen, seeking autographs
And some fool says "look, it's John Lennon" - yeah, I get a lot of that
Later I'll rush to my seat, without a lot of slack to take up since
I'd cornered Brian Warner for half an hour to swap make-up hints
And although a nominee and a performer, I'll also be a presenter
Since a name like mine creates a draw and they like me front and center
And I'll eschew the teleprompter's canned and corny, played and trite shit
To flirt with my copresenter and the audience warmly, displaying my speed-of-light wit
And everyone will like it, I'll be the darling of every tabloid
Since they saw me through the libel case I was hit with from Bad Boy
I'll make the worst dressed pages, still, but I won't let it get to me
I'll just console myself with yet another cosmetic tonsilectomy
Body modifications? You bet your life, now listen here
Talk about liposuction, I swear to God I'll damn near disappear!
Callista Flockhart and Fiona Apple will express concern for my health
But we'll talk and they'll both agree I've got to learn for myself.
Understand this-I'll be the planet rocker, having dragged myself to the top of the heap the hard way
And I'll finally get to see my own production of JesusChristSuperstar on Broadway
Shebang X action figures, lunch boxes and an animated, feature length
Biography, an internationally franchised Jesse's Own pizza chain
An odessy of celebrity, stand up comedians will target me
Bumble bees will make honey just for me 'til it's hard to be humble
Gee, I can't wait for this to come about, I'm ready when the world is
Take me now, please, I'm ready... I wanna be a STAR
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