We've updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

The Rap Hundreds, season 3

by rap legend Jesse Dangerously

/
1.
2.
This is the edge Traveling, space fabric unraveling There is a gathering out past Saturn's rings Beyond your fathoming, beyond your imagining Amongst the star dust, there's no Starbucks, it's just us And you're beautiful. Gorgeous. Oh, I'm so into you. Captivated by your majesty like gravity Actually, have you ever been outside your own galaxy? This is the edge of the Universe We could go all the way This is the edge of the Universe We could go all the way Hedging no bets, in our essence we are legends, so let's Put that unleaded in our jets, heavens to betsy I'm blest And you're the bestest, out of sight like vestiges of Light, that's right - we ping like satellite messages Broadcasting live. 3 2 1 Contact, provide A monostatic transmission, Alright man, listen, this Monastic life is long lasting, we take bombastic strides, we Freely bond, we're some extremely fond astronauts Casting off the shackles of atmosphere, we have no fear Imagine me just lamping on your lap in your captain's chair? Past the furthest margin of the map, whatever happens, we're Happy campers, mere passengers, no need to have the answers We are men of action, lies do not become us, Westley Calling "As you wish!" to me, you tumble down that grassy hill I cast myself thereafter and we roll like we will never come to Rest at our perimeter, until at last, we will This is the edge of the Universe We could go all the way This is the edge of the Universe We could go all the way This is the edge of the Universe We could go all the way This is the edge of the Universe We could go all the way
3.
Bedtime, boys I'm copasetic I'm awe-inspired I'm soaking wet and I'm on fire I'm open ended I'm broke and blessed, I'm old and edgy I'm Vaughn Squire on twenty-four inch bike tires Nicole Byers meets Mike Myers Parole violation, I'm life sized I'm Nole, by the way, and I like guys Bad man, attitude badder than Van Damme too Badder than bad news, get battered like bad food In a permanent state of a tentative bad mood You're beach wedding soft A pair of delicate dad shoes Your "Heart of Darkness" has the melanin of J. Crew Banana banana banana bread batter Rapper slash anime voice actor manager Slap my face slathered with hand sanitizer And go ask your old man for pants the right size There's squirrels on your porch Go review records by girls for the source I'm sick of your internet comedy course I'll see you in court, I want a divorce How many Che Guevara shirts does Zach de la Rocha have How many holes in the crotch that Lil Kim poster 'pose to have Riddle me this, I fiddle my thumbs, my thumbs are my dick Don't answer this shit Look at this quick This lesbian fit, Drown in the wave This Degeneres drip Yeah, nobody àsked Go eat dry toast with your no-money ass Whoa buddy, that's a big truck for a teenager What do you mean let me talk to your manager No, you can talk to the hand The hand talks back, you do not understand I'm shopping, clock what i got for a grand A watch from Japan and these hot rubber pants I'm Helen Hunt for no reason If you Mel Gibson, I'm leaving, What Women What? That's a slam dunk It's downloaded and seeding I hope you try to get the same thing Instead download a whole bunch of bee stings Your dad told you to be safe online Not install a whole bunch of bee stings I'm allergic to bees Me too They're huge and they're sting crazy No, you're a Funko Pop In the discount bin at this one closed shop I don't run when the gun go pop I just cry at the top of my lungs for the cops Til my mom's like stop! People are staring Yeah, I just want them to see what I'm wearing She says, i told you to stay in the car and I'm like Yeah but you wouldn't leave the keys for the radio, would ya? Bedtime, boys Aw mom Aw mom Aw mom Aw mom
4.
DRUMBS 03:18
We got Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes drums drums drums Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes drums drums drums Pounding rhythms, down to give em sounds to listen to, make the space my syllables fit in to. subdivisions any substance split in two, from patterns down to the atom I am living proof. Since I been a kid in my living room Banging on chicken buckets, adults were sickened of it DRUMS i frickin love it. the devil made me do it to em let the rhythm hit em. let the fluid sluice Weas the juice, please squeeze the truth out with a Pair of sticks to embarrass generic heretics WHOOMP there it is, spare me your careless whispers No shoes in the house, I'm wearing slippers Serendipitous, you could call it kismet Supersonic, I'm the future of the business I'm a shoot you with a witness, no fear of the repercussions; love to each percussionist Who your cousin is? Come receive your punishment! Uneventful, unintentional consequences Fundamental consciousness in a nonsense sentence I put a strain on friendships I go on and on and on endless All comers, challengers and contenders I didn't know I would be so contentious! I don't go on benders, I just bend Over backwards for those that know the passwords Yup, I kick styles in encrypted files Wild like the drama of the gifted child I sort MCs into handy piles Then my smile fades as I feed them to Danny Miles I can scarcely bear to watch It's better this way, swear to god He loves birds back to mesozoic theropods I'm a prairie fossil, very Triceratops With more props than Carrot Top and fewer freckles If you stood before me on stage, you were heckled Like, what did you expect? I'll Be back, but for now just seckle! We got Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes drums drums drums Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes drums drums drums Stretch a skin over a hoop and add a resonating shell Ready for detonating Ba dum psh, every one's a comedian Spreading devastating waves through every medium Break the tedium. Act and seize the daylight Create tragedies like the great Athenian playwrights... Sophocles, Euripides Everybody tells me Jesse D, you rip at these It's a breeze, the rhythms just come to me As long as there's a beat to accompany underneath I am nothing sans batterie I keep people to flatter me on salary The benefits are decent So begin echoing my sentiments this evening Everybody knows you're a liar, little child Putting "my opinions are my own" in your twitter bio Yeah right. Sounds like someone's in denial And for once it isn't me... it's been a while We got Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes drums drums drums Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes Drums (DRUMS) here it comes drums drums drums drums drums drums drums drums drums drums drums drums
5.
Squad car hijacked by two little kids with cap pistols A blast from the cop's whistle failed to call 'em back. Little Did they know that little did they know road ahead of them Would be the death of them, it's called life, and it's a dead end They split up and met again in Cuba some years later Comparing anecdotes with a note of panic and fear. They were Both aged more than the time's passage accounted for Both bore regrets and a massive amount of sorrow Not for petty crimes, but for walks in the park not taken And for licking off a shot in the dark Godforsaken and tired, aching inside, faking a smile That's vacant and awakening hatred and pride That they can't deny making their lives feel fleeting and brief Trace arteries to the heart to see it's still beating at least Conceding defeat, they swore to become rivals Just for fun but that proved unreliable Reading from the Bible and bleeding from the nose The meeting undergoes a switch to a glummer tone Building a summer home away from the wastes of time And space, designing a place to find the peace of mind to leave behind The grease and grime but that's not life, don't believe the fantasy That sees the prisoners receiving amnesty, I mean please Blast off for a moon of green cheese and bring your Crackers and dip, dip, dive to miss the crack of the whip Snap attack front to back, it's getting kinda hectic Needles wear grooves out and chew the vinyl record One kid moves like a leopard and the other rides a panther They saw the final jeopardy and didn't like the answer at all Drastic measures That what? That life is hectic. Drastic measures That what? That life is hectic. Drastic measures That what? That life is hectic. Drastic measures That what? It gets drastic See, they carry luchini but fritter and gamble it away Very routinely, escapists like Harry Houdini They're married to genies but they never have recurring dreams Their lives are twin shafts of gold; they're urine streams Distraction is a currency. Action is pure and simple Who likes seeing feelings hurt? They keep their dealings curt and sinful Stay alert and nimble enough to blur the edges of banality Staving off the grave by technicality Struck a sort of a deal in the court of appeals Getting bored is their real fear, not the sword or the steel Because with reflection comes certain disturbing certainties That every person needs but no-one wants to know they'll hurt and heed The curtain call. Averting all burdens' the work of reason Furtively diverting all the urgency to birds and bees Emergencies serve to deceive the wits From believing it exists when they see the abyss They're teetering on, seizing upon the creed of the bombed like media pawns It's leading them on, they're greeting the dawn in the evening the feeling is fleeting and gone Beating a gong and banging a drum to drown the sounds of nature out Bound to take the route that takes them straight to what I just spake about Figuring out the ignorant bliss is bigger than this, I'm making a guess When I declare that kids are scared of choking to death from taking a breath But I can attest that I detest mortality and avoid its gaze To stare into the blaze that might destroy the place. Now, Who's afraid of the dharma incurred by birth and its trauma? Who's ready to scrap, haul off and slap the Earth and Its mama? Who's a worthless, anonymous automaton that's losing consciousness? Who wanted this? Who's on this trip to see the sights and monuments? To read and write the documents by light that seems innocuous 'Til you discern it's pages burning that provides the phosphorescence? Lost direction, stress and depression lessen perspective's load But when you pause to reckon, reflect and rest, in a second you know The eventual long term goal of the sensual palm frond road Is descent into knock on wood when it's all gone cold And the your defense is the pretense That what? That life is hectic! Drastic measures That what? That life is hectic. Drastic measures That what? It gets drastic It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting It's getting It's getting It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic! It's getting It's getting It's getting kinda hectic!
6.
My dude! My dude. My dude, My dude. My dude! My dude... Hey, my dude! Your boss has the patent on profiting and When the planet's gone, they might have to cancel Capricorn Vack before your favourite rapper was born I whispered that his dad was wack, pass it on. (My dude!) We used to play a game of broken telephone Soaked to the skeleton in dopamine and serotonin Couldn't get diagnosed but they would sell us smokes Tell a joke to yourself and hope to quell the loneliness Hey, best of luck with that! Back when a trucker hat was just a hat Live forever like how long nothing lasts Before your cousin asks, there is glass in my lenses The prescription is weak, but nothing gets past my defenses, I'm guarded like a castle keep even when I'm fast asleep Half my rap opinions would be regarded as blasphemy That's how you know my love is sincere I've kept these judgements from my peers for like, dozens of years You couldn't drag it out if me With a thousand horses You couldn't drag it out if me With a thousand horses You couldn't drag it out if me With a thousand horses You couldn't drag it out if me Even if you had a horse It don't mean a thing a thing if it ain't got that semiotic coding But it can still be plenty honest or at least Show aesthetic promise, plus Anything sounds profound that's said anonymous in quotes That's not the speaker being modest, they just don't want us to know How much they think they could have taught us And by that token, they're more often banal than clever Ask yourself does this need to be spoken, now or ever? (My dude) How dare you suggest that i take my own advice? Just for that, I'm canceling my show and staying home tonight! Yeah, that's right. And I no longer tour often, so May the mild disappointment of dozens be on your conscience! Mm hm. Bet you're sorry you spoke up, Deafened by the collective chorus of "so what?" Like infinite Miles Davises on infinite trumpets And people say I'm sensitive or something, shucks. You couldnt drag me out there With a thousand horses You couldnt drag me out there Even with a thousand horses You couldnt drag me out there With a thousand horses Honestly, I'm I don't really even I'm not sure how the horses would help Get off your hobby horse, buster, we need the wood To build a stocks for shaming people whose deeds were good The worst offenders, who didn't learn the words to censor Shall be burnt and rendered and turned to embers Unless they're pert and slender If you're cute enough, all will be forgiven Don't look at me, that's just how the policy is written (My dude!) I can't pretend to think it's solidly positioned But nothing is in any former colony of Britain The only good laws is Ronnie and Hubert, please Remember that like lessons from your mommy at puberty I hit my creative peak at twenty-two or three But I'm a better person than i used to be, between you and me What I've shed in fluency I've gained in patience Very fortunate, my greatest strength: remaining stationary Got a lot of inertia to overcome, kinfolk I shift slowly like the overton window You couldn't drag me any faster With a thousand horses Couldn't drag me any faster With a thousand horses Couldn't drag me any faster With a thousand horses You and all your horses Could never drag me. My dude. My dude! My dude! My dude! My dude, My dude. My dude. My dude! My dude! My dude. My dude, Aw, my dude. My dude, My dude! My dude! My dude. My d00d! Ugh, my dude, My dude! My dude, My dude. My dude Mah dude! My duud, My dude!! My dude! My dude! My dude? My duuuude!
7.
I'm Rich Aucoin meets Rich Homie Quan, I'm Obi Wan Kenobi on the edge of a coin. You owe me one! I guess I'm annoying, sorry. You're too important for me with your Buzz. You're just another toy in the Toy Story!

about

A living masterpiece - this album receives a new track for each month of the season. Probably around 10 altogether, look at the previous seasons for examples.

You don't have to pay anything for it. You can download the songs for any amount including free, or just stream them from bandcamp or over on Spotify or whatever else your preferred platform is.

The songs are supported by my Patreon over at patreon.com/rljd - if you sign up there, you can get access to the songs as soon as they're ready, rather than waiting for their monthly appearance in public. You can also get access to my demos and works in progress to see what else is coming down the pike.

The option will always be there to support me, but more than anything I just want you to enjoy and share the music! Whatever that looks like for you, I'm happy.

credits

released February 29, 2020

see each individual track for song credits

Season 3 cover art by Benjamin Comeau

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

rap legend Jesse Dangerously Ottawa, Ontario

Genuine Independent Rap Legend (GIRL)

member of Backburner crew
half of Danger Grove w Lizard Grove
half of The Library Steps w Ambeez & Illgil
one-third of Imaginary Friends w Thesis Sahib & MC Frank Deluxe
one-third of The Sentinels w ginzuintriplicate & Naked J

partially culpable for the nerdcore problem
... more

contact / help

Contact rap legend Jesse Dangerously

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Report this album or account

rap legend Jesse Dangerously recommends:

If you like rap legend Jesse Dangerously, you may also like: