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The Rap Hundreds, season 2

by rap legend Jesse Dangerously

[intro] . step with a poorly predicated fallacy . i will surely decimate your faculties . i do not debate, don't at me, just listen until you're re-educated naturally! my medication actually helps me feel like myself and it's real and it's healthy set the goal to be certain with urgency get to know the person in my selfies or else stay drifting aimless only my wits stay rich and famous Surface from the winter, thusly New GIRL - Jess Day... ngerously [horns] Write a fat protagonist x 4 [verse1] kiss the gosh darn amethyst ring it's the boss, got you thinking aren't mammoths extinct? I'm a Mastodon; Totoro with glasses on You heard that? Pass it on! (if not?) REWIND like the Redman jam that's what I had instead of Dead Can Dance the poster boy of the Coast awards punched a drink out of Jenn Grant's hand funny on accident, I'm . cashing in from passive income Passionate, brash and winsome, Handsome, dashing and abstinent from Wackness, go ask a friend! I don't rhyme, I'm assonant. I'm a battle of wits, I'm your castigant! Fancy pants, I’m a castle your king Check my checkered past The unique pattern I got on MY jacket Only tag I pop is dye packets Yeah, you bet your ass. I’m the indie-est: Kanye meets Lindy West I'm OFF twitter, i been depressed! I- . catch more rec than recompense now, watch me blow this cheque on rent Check on sensitive friends more often Or don't go make a big show at their coffin No one wants that heartfelt RI P post more than a moment talking, so sorry for the frank proposal and Pre-emptive waste disposal Trash bag filler; it’s visceral hashtag no filter; not a picture post verse3 say mwah / french kiss noise / c'est moi De La Soul meets Rene Descartes Playing the part of an ancient astronomer Lazily gazing all day at the stars Ding dong ditch when I’m knocking on death's door this is what you call in the best for; tally my test score Sally forth, rally the rabble round; Catch me in the office, king kong in my desk drawer someone said I was a genius which is very nice but I am not a genius the genius is Gary Grice I’m scary spice, a five alarmer Optimus Primadonna; floppy disk copyist Off-mic posse cut boss fight; up all night in shining armour I’m Jewel Kilcher, asking who shot ya? Pool filter after laps with Chewbacca Wearing a walkman; I swear it's a problem, drawn to the rhythm like Sarah McLachlan Met the Devil and beat him at Soul Caliber Next level, I’m Liam and Noel Gallagher Co-pilot of my own wild ride Never get read like a week in old calendars Hey hi there all you writers Just write a fat protagonist A hero the size of your ideas To recognize your audience
Trying to get away I was a child at the age of 4 Dad with a rubberhose, me nervous, shaking by the car door Tube goes in the gas tank, now begins the cyphon Spitting fuel out of his mouth, lost ones prone to taste both chemicals and cyphers The erratic for whole-lifers Trying to avoid becoming the sort of man That i carry this pink knife for Of course Running on no sleep A head full of regrets I faced a couple courtrooms but they haven’t stopped me yet If it wasn’t for bad luck? I’d be just as uninspired as you I am the cornerstone beneath a house of fucking ill repute My existence is defiance My needle’s in the red My mode is self reliance But so much of me is dead. This is how the cookie crumbles This is how the state decays A million little fumbles Lead you shambling towards the grave There is no take away That isn’t just more giving But our options are quite simply Stop breathing or keep living. Gasoline was a popular drink and it still is The bitter taste of acrid acrimony, smoke on the water, fire in the Belly of the savage beast my music soothes; it’s a magic flute. It’s not a Warp whistle . . it’ll have to do, it’ll transport you to the Black La- -goon ; to the dark side of the moon and back, feel the crack of the plastic Spoon . as it melts. You don’t have to be wracked with doom to pack this Room, but it helps! Inanimate afternoons When your plan of attack is moot; speaking rabbits and rats and raccoons with Bad attitudes and habits and habitudes. Let ‘em Eat cake but I’m damned if they’ll have it, too, when I Wheatpaste my pleas and entreaties over wack graffiti to Form a formal treatise on the political discourse I give forth like Cicero at the tomb of Archimedes. While our Hearts are beating, well-meaning darling little boys Don’t bother, Sigmund Freud, I mean my father drinks Laphroiag like it was Water. We all have been destroyed and seek our solace in Sleep. You’ve got two options, nod off or keep a promise to me gasoline was a popular drink, and it still is it only takes one child to raze a village and i carry that kid in a sling til its late thirties pour out my bitter drink and stay thirsty
毛虫 02:49
bADHDvice 03:12
As far as falling prey to corporate manipulation And the joke is When he awoke his Whole body was covered in Coke fizz And the joke is When he awoke his Whole body was covered in Coke fizz Put er there pal I'm a buddy movie No sudden movements. Keep the money moving I'm the ugly truth in shorts discussed by sports fans And FORTRAN coders in a forum on 4chan Gross! Go get a hobby that's not harassing Your obnoxious reaction's obviously a bad thing God damn it to Heck All hands on deck when the jam's in effect Rattle your castanets and cast your nets but no you can't interject How did this power get overshadowed by cowardice Take it outside like planned internet outages Thousands is conservative when estimating my net worth Unless, that is, you tally up my debt first oof Am I a goof like Shia Leboeuf when he lies in the news Or am I like Schaffer, never shy in the booth when he rhymes in the nude Lion's tooth Bear claw Elephant tusk Tell me who the Hell i can trust And don't say Elon Musk And the joke is When he awoke his Whole body was covered in coke fizz And the joke is When he awoke his Whole body was covered in coke fizz Bon temps, been on top Fresher than ever Now that's what I call non-stop pressure Can't won't don't let the people down Peaks soar, valleys deepen I never even out No fair trade Gotta wear shades, my future's furtive My past imperfect Forget my name just ask the nurses I am a nervous wreck that masks their urges And next thing you know I've graduated to mass murder Backburner's in the building acting strange You're not one of us, you don't have the range You're a Coleman stove with propane A no-name that no-one knows Throat going green from your gold chain In your old age Nana nana nana Nana nana nana Nana nana nana Nana nana nana And the joke is When he awoke his Whole body was covered in coke fizz And the joke is When he awoke his Whole body was covered in coke fizz It’s Uncle Frank, It’s Doctor D He's rocking flows like pistons All these wack ass rappers swear to God they just production victims I pick words up and twist 'em Fuck feelings up and miss them Obstruct the readings of you if you striving to un-mix them Hooked in betwixt em Where we stand and where we ball Where we thrive if we approximate the basic wherewithal Biochemical electric signify the rise and fall Every night we cry and call out To the why we find ourselves in thrall Tall; all my guys be giants Forget your self reliance When you’re blinded with the science Defiant, Steve Rogers Catchin' hands like Russell Martin Step into a world that MAGA chuds don’t want no fuckin' part in There have already been a number of American recording companes poking their noses around Halifax looking for another Sloan It should change the way music is made around here Some day, the band's name will take its place alongside other Nova Scotian musical stars like Rita McNeil, Anne Murray, and the Rankin Family Holy Christ, you know what I'm talkin' about We'll play an open mic in Dartmouth at O'Toole's As far as falling prey to corporate manipulation I think that these guys have enough attitude to avoid that
I'm forty (the big four oh) "five years from thirty" plus another five after older than the tv infomercial for the thighmaster Half alive rapper, never signed to Half Life Snapping off fast like the segments of xacto knifes Yeah, I do my own cuts in a pinch Stage fright used to have my guts in a cinch So much innocence diminished like dust in the wind I'm not a loser, man, i just didn't win six years older than my father when i got born shopworn, well loved, heard around the harbour like a Foghorn. they got warned but little did they know I got middle aged but never been middle of the road I put in the work, the years, the decades, the ten thousand hours. I worked service and lived in low rent housing i toured far and wide, performed in bars, dives, and chip shops bizarre ride, i made my mind an archive of hip-hop. living in tribute to the forebears the kid Trailblazed with pigtails, braids, and short hair i fought fair, i couldn't wouldn't didn't stop rocking to the rhythm and chewing more than I'd bitten off I've shown my influences reverence Flown by intuition, made known my preferences For the freshest princes and the jazziest of jeffs if you happen to forget my name, hazard a guess I'm Lazarus resurrected, back like i left the oven lit old McDonald, if not exactly loving it get your nugget dipped in hot mustard and testify I'm fly as the biplane that crop dusts you with pesticide ...Getting older as the crow flies, I've looked at Joni Mitchell from both sides, I'm so wise I've authored only fictions but I've told no lies my libel turns to slander solely when it's vocalized I'll bowdlerize you boldly til there's soap in your eyes, no surprise there use caution washing that nice hair, or before you know it your scalp is itching and there's powder up top like the alps in Switzerland Yup, shampoo for my real friends, and so forth you know the rest. I'm all washed up, it's time to go to bed aww shucks, you can buy my record but you won't.
chicken milk x 4 (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT? [Lars] Seasons greetings, pleased to meet cha See me eating a piece of pizza Happy New Year, auld lang sine wave, editing all the dang time Heard it through the grapevine, not much longer Santa's coming, playtime's over Sugar come dance like sugar plum visions Should have done, would have done, could have but didn't Isn't it grand? Here we come a-wassailing Jostling around like my name was Jocelyn El-ders, still the best lesson Winners don't use word to Billy F Sessions Snowy than a mug like the pic on Jeff Sessions Picaresque beats, let us kick our best essence Mm, yes, Tiny Tim with the blessings Toast to the ghost of Christmas Presents! [jesse] I don't celebrate holidays I celebrate Always, fill up my pillowcase dollface All day breakfast all night radio Broadcast, hunter in the tall grass, paleo Way to go, dasher, blitzen, Dancer Mikal kHill when he kicked the cancer Knock on wood, shoot for the stars If you don't know Lars then you doggone should chicken milk (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT? (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT? [jesse] hot chocolate with the melted chips caramel drizzle and whip one time my nog had shell bits from the blender! i was like, three days later - return to sender damn! bought my own super nintender Paper route cash, hey big spender Ninety Two til Infinitoo Try to not be too cynical [Lars] Now we don our gay apparel Wrap a gift and say a carol Santa's list says nice and naughty Don't just stand there, hide the bodies! Psych - you're not a murderer, more of a Nurturer, kind and polite! Silent Night Away in a manger, trust me! Must be Jesse, Danger Ously! (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT? (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT?


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released May 10, 2019

illustrations and lettering by Kenneth Botsford Jr of hikenny design

except kemushi and bADHDvice by Gutty Kreum


all rights reserved



rap legend Jesse Dangerously Ottawa, Ontario

Genuine Independent Rap Legend (GIRL)

member of Backburner crew
half of Danger Grove w Lizard Grove
half of The Library Steps w Ambeez & Illgil
one-third of Imaginary Friends w Thesis Sahib & MC Frank Deluxe
one-third of The Sentinels w ginzuintriplicate & Naked J

partially culpable for the nerdcore problem
... more

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