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The Rap Hundreds, season 1

by rap legend Jesse Dangerously

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $5 CAD  or more


  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 23 rap legend Jesse Dangerously releases available on Bandcamp and save 90%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Rap Hundreds, season 3, Want, For Want, of Wanting EP (digital deluxe edition), The Rap Hundreds, season 2, Want, For Nothing, The Rap Hundreds, season 1, Remixes, Subversive Ciphers, Stay Warm, and 15 more. , and , .

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  • limited edition lathe cut 7"
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    i'm collecting the songs i release every month into a bimonthly lathe-cut 7" single. It's mainly intended as a reward for $15/mo Patreon supporters, but not everybody wants to subscribe to get a record every two months, so you can also pre-order a copy here to be added to my production & mailout!

    This is the first volume, collecting "Count to Rap Hundred" and "Pumpkin Eater."

    The second volume will be "Majokko Brovaz" featuring Eddie Quotez, and "Pro-War Bumper Sticker" produced by Recordface. Look for it in May 2018!

    Hit up patreon.com/rljd if you'd like to subscribe to automatically receive these singles every two months.

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Rap Hundreds, season 1 via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

Never take it for Granted how I shake it and slam it and break through the granite to Plant a stake and plan the future fate of the planet. My Make-up is flawless, you couldn't chip my polish regardless You get demolished where the soulless take solace. I hold the the polish sausage Hostage for the losses through the holes in your pockets - want some Tips? Come equipped! Here, I'll show you the process No nonsense, no common sense, no sitting on the fence Gods and men alike think they can bite with no consequence They thought again once I got done with their friends. I hope you're Not offended - I've gone forensic on the longest Undefended border, bend for water, call me Gunga Din I've known you since before you were born - your mom's a friend Your dad's not - I snuffed him with his pipe and his ascot. If I Had three wishes, I'd wish vipers would back off, and that I could change the world like Wendy Babcock, and last off That every bad cop would catch a sock with a padlock Yo Jesse! You rapped your ass off You got no butt left homeboy what's next Go Jesse! You bout to blast off If the math adds up, count to Rap Hundred Yo Jesse! You rapped your ass off You got no butt left homeboy what's next Go Jesse! You bout to blast off Showing mad love, yes I wrote this rhyme with you sound asleep and the bass turned way down low Now there ain't no sound but the crowd as it screams while they wait for me to start the show Now are you ready for this? The petty dis on your sweaty lips dies as you realize who you're messing with It's JESSE, motherfucker! JESSE, motherfucker, GET IT? You made a bad mistake - admit it Never more never Less, metaphors get addressed and stuck in letter drawers Button pressers get it, I said it - yo fuck competitors Yo soy un perdidor, homeboy - I set it off, I'm Queen Latifah. You can't see me? I've never seen you either Senorita, jump the line and stab your predator. My Eyes are sore from being a senator; I'm Lennon or McCartney, depending on what's better for the party Men adored the rhythm then forgot me; let them ignore the Art me and Peter project like films in dark theatres We're best in soft seaters, invested like loss leaders Off-season pithy quips I toss like Joss Whedon's Bosses paid the cost it cost to be us! I'm undercover cake boss, I'm Beta tapes, I'm caber toss I'm chewing gum on the bed post with no flavour lost! You wanna play the odds? while Peter flicks the fader cross like K La Boss? Go eat some Weetabix or tater tots I... don't know, was that not a cool line Obviously I thought it was cool, I said it Yo Jesse! You rapped your ass off Even that last line was pretty much fine Go Jesse! We take our hats off And we fill them up with money and we give them to you I wrote that hook on a hour of sleep on the Greyhound after a show I closed my rap book and I drifted off and I figured it was ready to go And I regret it but whatever the verses had the words that were measured Instead of half-formed curds for the cheddar For worse or for better, I transformed dirt into treasure Me and Peter like two birds of a feather Forever
Please, I'm begging you. I'm begging you, please. I'm begging you. Please, baby, please, baby Baby, baby, please Please stop telling me the boy's like a Freezepop, ultra fresh when like He's not. It's giving me a headache and my Knees knock, knowing that the shelves are getting Restocked - he's a mockery I'm bleeding awfully and he's feeding off of me Like a mosquito, diseased and indecent I bought the monopoly, he's leasing the property Probably scoffing, it's not really awesome I thought we were dogs and it's causing me problems Costing me lots of losses, god stop it Hope is sweet but it fucks me up like Non-Prophets, got it? It's not about the optics End of the story like knock 'em out the box Rick This ain't funny so don't you dare laugh I care so much you're supposed to care back Baby Tell me what you want and I'll change Your mind, I need you to haunt my old age You're mine! Let none rend asunder my claims Let no man come within a hundred-mile range Under my thumb, you never heard Mick sing it? Hello? I'm speaking in perfect English! You don't like that one? How about the Beatles? Run For Your Life, little girl, how did we go So wrong? You're like "so long!" I wanna hold on You're giving me the finger with the one I put the gold on No long kiss goodbye, just a guy Waiting outside to twist the knife Is this the life you promised to share with me? Honestly? Didn't you want to be there with me? God, you embarrassed me, swearing so carelessly. Why in the fucking world did you marry me? Only one person can stop this thing. One selfish person who's not list'ning One that I purchased when I bought this ring Worthless the instant it blessed crossed fingers . Let's not linger, it's late Love is a flame and its cinder is hate It's in her to make my heart splinter and break And I'll die if she makes this one single mistake For real.
magic girl, I'm a magic girl anime I got a transformation sequence, wanna see it It's how I use my energy to keep this identity secret My theme music receives a remix every season So when my enemies peep it next, we can still keep it fresh I'm a regular school girl in most other ways Up late, so I race out the gate, piece of toast in my face I struggle with my grades, plus romance and good and evil, lots to juggle in my days I never would have agreed if my magical animal had took the trouble to explain Uh uh. it's too much stress and too much work A constant choice between hanging with my friends and saving the earth All the strength and the courage and the faith and endurance and the patience and purpose While saving your hash? I hate that shit, it's a pain in the ass Rather lay in the grass. Daydream, be a teenager at last But no, it's endless rematches with demons we have slain in the past I don't even wear a mask, how hard is it to recognize I'm teen angst weaponized, sound like a cool job? I guess it's mine I'm a anime I'm a I'm a anime Magic girl, I'm a magic girl Transform like Usagi, you know I’m kawaii Making a wave like tsunami, watching Toonami Know I got taste like umami Don’t find it funny I’m making some bread You don’t know me? Then off with your head Madoka Magica episode three Me and my friends will soon be your end It just might hurt ya, capture your card like Sakura All of these poses I murder, make your nose bleed like a Pervert! Though when I battle I’m nervous With the help of my friends I got courage Together we better, we charge up the weapons Bust your wig, wave of the sceptre Me and my crew will be friends forever With my cat that can talk, looking real bad when I walk Yeah, got that sauce. Take down the boss Doing the most with the bros Kill ‘em with accessories, charging up the energy Taking down these enemies - I don’t know how, but I’m Getting back my memories! Fighting evil by moonlight Winning love by daylight, never running from a real fight I’m the sailor who’s got these weeaboos running I’m the sailor who’s got these weeaboos stunting I’m a anime I’m a I’m a anime Magic girl, I’m a magic girl It's commonplace when I'm on my way to see abominations and bad things In my way, they'll hit the ground before I finish saying my complicated attack names Or if it gets a little tense, if - for example - I'm needing any help I just think about the power of friendship and believing in myself And that does the trick, I must admit, I'm just the chick for the task at hand But it clips my buzz a bit for serious, who is that mysterious masked man He's saved me twice this week and i keep thinking it might be nice if he'd speak But that might just be me? seems he'd rather teach me lessons like the price of defeat Uh uh. I got confusing new emotions From fear to young lust, impostor syndrome and going through the motions If I quit the forces of evil will win, there's no one to oppose them Plus my miniseries is coming to theatres soon, and I'm hoping you'll go to them I’m the sailor who’s got these weeaboos running I’m the sailor who’s got these weeaboos stunting I’m a anime I’m a I’m a anime
broke 03:52
[Kaz Mega] They eatin’ - aw, made u look You a slave to a page in a cookbook Where the cooks, look, Kentucky Fried buk buk Plantation owners from the South, 1% crooks I imagine that these Colonels be corny, courting the 99 percentile affording the rent now Gourmet for Gentiles, scraps for the rest We stay suckers for the suppers with a capital S Heart burns from the reflux, ash in my chest Bow my head, make sure that my rations are blessed (BLESS!) Low moral fibre, these ?taxes? ain't wheat Oil isn't gravy for cash we can't eat [ApolloTheChild] Up all night, I'm watching the sun rise This is what it sounds like when months fly [More or Les] Sure, the body is a temple - been a year and change since a reno’ I can't veto's been in motion and taints any meal that I consume. Try to resume a sane diet of some kind - sur-prise - it's not to blame though. It's not what I'm eatin’, it's what my stomach does with it. Fast track to feeling cheated when it seems like nothin’ isn't new, and shit happens out the blue. So now I'm seein’ red. Food choices used to be live, but now they're like The Evil Dead. A horror flick for a bathroom trip. That's sorta’ glib, but my weight, health, and mood dip. IBS should stand for “I'll Be Stressed” - a more true fit. A cycle that'll feed into itself and produce shit. [Jesse Dangerously] You gonna finish that? I been eyeing it thinking you might not, I'm caught, i admit look what you got there, put it in my cross-hairs i am pissing off the armchair dietitians sly sleight of the wrist, I'm the scientist of scraps hashtag: signs you the side dish that's as polite as i get, harsh looks when my hunger grows darker than when Garth Brooks's thunder rolls Stuff a cork in it, stick a fork in it. Smile just to Show my teeth, I'm sick of forcing it Bread stick bayonet to kill a soldier Keep a boulder under my tongue, i fill a molar Like you fire a mortar, embedded like a star reporter soul searching, tore apart like a car at the border hardcore carnivore, maraud the vegan part of the store; gotta leave em starving for more!
chicken milk x 4 (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT? [Lars] Seasons greetings, pleased to meet cha See me eating a piece of pizza Happy New Year, auld lang sine wave, editing all the dang time Heard it through the grapevine, not much longer Santa's coming, playtime's over Sugar come dance like sugar plum visions Should have done, would have done, could have but didn't Isn't it grand? Here we come a-wassailing Jostling around like my name was Jocelyn El-ders, still the best lesson Winners don't use word to Billy F Sessions Snowy than a mug like the pic on Jeff Sessions Picaresque beats, let us kick our best essence Mm, yes, Tiny Tim with the blessings Toast to the ghost of Christmas Presents! [jesse] I don't celebrate holidays I celebrate Always, fill up my pillowcase dollface All day breakfast all night radio Broadcast, hunter in the tall grass, paleo Way to go, dasher, blitzen, Dancer Mikal kHill when he kicked the cancer Knock on wood, shoot for the stars If you don't know Lars then you doggone should chicken milk (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT? (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT? [jesse] hot chocolate with the melted chips caramel drizzle and whip one time my nog had shell bits from the blender! i was like, three days later - return to sender damn! bought my own super nintender Paper route cash, hey big spender Ninety Two til Infinitoo Try to not be too cynical [Lars] Now we don our gay apparel Wrap a gift and say a carol Santa's list says nice and naughty Don't just stand there, hide the bodies! Psych - you're not a murderer, more of a Nurturer, kind and polite! Silent Night Away in a manger, trust me! Must be Jesse, Danger Ously! (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT? (swag nog) chicken milk say who, say what? say chicken milk mm mm, chicken milk say who, say WHAT?
Good For Ya 03:13
i value my friendship w bruno gerussi's granddaughter killing it without really trying - manslaughter is man's dominion over land & water absolute? or is every other animal mad at you? hi, I'm the first sign of trouble the worst kind of bubble to burst, I'm not subtle What's the scuttlebut? Brush up your rebuttals, buster You'll never outfox Jemima Puddleduck, motherfucker, come on I'm Ellory Queen meets Ernest Scribbler I form my lips into a perfect cylinder And whistle like Roger Whittaker. ahh, I'm only Buggin. Centre channel, I'm Monie Love in the middle, isolated like Jorun with Sony plugins! No-one owes me nothin' - so pony up, then Holy Fuck, I'm the borscht belt Brian Borschect i wash, dry, press and iron horses, come on I used to bump Born Jamericans "Boom Shak Attack" and read the Upanishads as a youth now I'm more experienced, I lose track of facts, but I'm a huge fan of Shad, it's the truth year after year i wear the same gear if i don't get more fashion they won't let me stay queer can't stand the heat, stay out the poly-cotton blend, I'm Friends with Dolly Parton's friend they call the BEAST! (Don't fall asleep) I like rap that's the same age now as the jazz that it samples was when it came out, Cousin. You can't feign doubt to hide ignorance But I don't know if I'm on tour or itinerant?? I'm the jazz messengers, kurupt and daz dillinger Alexander Graham Bell, cut the wax cylinder I rock peninsular from Cape Breton to Ingonish but I don't drink and fish, i sing the hits like I'm stinkin rich


This collects the first year of "The Rap Hundreds," Jesse Dangerously's monthly series of one-offs, b-sides, and singles.

Beat makers, DJs, and guest vocalists include: Peter Project, Cal, Eddie Quotez, Garret Demers, Baddd Spellah, Brett Weaver, Recordface of OKcobra & 51902, Dopey Ziegler, J. Williams Friedman of I Don't Even Own A Television podcast, Myka 9 of Freestyle Fellowship & Project Blowed, Adae B, Shael Riley of Grammar Club, Fresh Kils, ginzuintriplicate, Rae Spoon, Kaz Mega, ApolloTheChild, More or Les, Klopfenpop, MC Lars, and one unknown secret producer/DJ.

There's also a hidden remix of the Klopfenpop/MC Lars seasonal song.


released April 1, 2018

cover design by Sage Mosurinjohn


Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.



rap legend Jesse Dangerously Ottawa, Ontario

Genuine Independent Rap Legend (GIRL)

member of Backburner crew
half of Danger Grove w Lizard Grove
half of The Library Steps w Ambeez & Illgil
one-third of Imaginary Friends w Thesis Sahib & MC Frank Deluxe
one-third of The Sentinels w ginzuintriplicate & Naked J

partially culpable for the nerdcore problem
... more

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