Get all 23 rap legend Jesse Dangerously releases available on Bandcamp and save 90%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Rap Hundreds, season 3, Want, For Want, of Wanting EP (digital deluxe edition), The Rap Hundreds, season 2, Want, For Nothing, The Rap Hundreds, season 1, Remixes, Subversive Ciphers, Stay Warm, and 15 more.
1. |
Count to Rap Hundred
03:00
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Never take it for
Granted how I shake it and slam it and break through the granite to
Plant a stake and plan the future fate of the planet. My
Make-up is flawless, you couldn't chip my polish regardless
You get demolished where the soulless take solace. I hold the the polish sausage
Hostage for the losses through the holes in your pockets - want some
Tips? Come equipped! Here, I'll show you the process
No nonsense, no common sense, no sitting on the fence
Gods and men alike think they can bite with no consequence
They thought again once I got done with their friends. I hope you're
Not offended - I've gone forensic on the longest
Undefended border, bend for water, call me Gunga Din
I've known you since before you were born - your mom's a friend
Your dad's not - I snuffed him with his pipe and his ascot. If I
Had three wishes, I'd wish vipers would back off, and that
I could change the world like Wendy Babcock, and last off
That every bad cop would catch a sock with a padlock
Yo Jesse! You rapped your ass off
You got no butt left homeboy what's next
Go Jesse! You bout to blast off
If the math adds up, count to Rap Hundred
Yo Jesse! You rapped your ass off
You got no butt left homeboy what's next
Go Jesse! You bout to blast off
Showing mad love, yes
I wrote this rhyme with you sound asleep and the bass turned way down low
Now there ain't no sound but the crowd as it screams while they wait for me to start the show
Now are you ready for this? The petty dis on your sweaty lips dies as you realize who you're messing with
It's JESSE, motherfucker! JESSE, motherfucker, GET IT? You made a bad mistake - admit it
Never more never
Less, metaphors get addressed and stuck in letter drawers
Button pressers get it, I said it - yo fuck competitors
Yo soy un perdidor, homeboy - I set it off, I'm
Queen Latifah. You can't see me? I've never seen you either
Senorita, jump the line and stab your predator. My
Eyes are sore from being a senator; I'm Lennon or
McCartney, depending on what's better for the party
Men adored the rhythm then forgot me; let them ignore the
Art me and Peter project like films in dark theatres
We're best in soft seaters, invested like loss leaders
Off-season pithy quips I toss like Joss Whedon's
Bosses paid the cost it cost to be us!
I'm undercover cake boss, I'm Beta tapes, I'm caber toss
I'm chewing gum on the bed post with no flavour lost!
You wanna play the odds? while Peter flicks the fader cross like
K La Boss? Go eat some Weetabix or tater tots
I... don't know, was that not a cool line
Obviously I thought it was cool, I said it
Yo Jesse! You rapped your ass off
Even that last line was pretty much fine
Go Jesse! We take our hats off
And we fill them up with money and we give them to you
I wrote that hook on a hour of sleep on the Greyhound after a show
I closed my rap book and I drifted off and I figured it was ready to go
And I regret it but whatever the verses had the words that were measured
Instead of half-formed curds for the cheddar
For worse or for better, I transformed dirt into treasure
Me and Peter like two birds of a feather
Forever
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2. |
Pumpkin Eater
04:36
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Please, I'm begging you.
I'm begging you, please.
I'm begging you.
Please, baby, please, baby
Baby, baby, please
Please stop telling me the boy's like a
Freezepop, ultra fresh when like
He's not. It's giving me a headache and my
Knees knock, knowing that the shelves are getting
Restocked - he's a mockery
I'm bleeding awfully and he's feeding off of me
Like a mosquito, diseased and indecent
I bought the monopoly, he's leasing the property
Probably scoffing, it's not really awesome
I thought we were dogs and it's causing me problems
Costing me lots of losses, god stop it
Hope is sweet but it fucks me up like
Non-Prophets, got it? It's not about the optics
End of the story like knock 'em out the box Rick
This ain't funny so don't you dare laugh
I care so much you're supposed to care back
Baby
Tell me what you want and I'll change
Your mind, I need you to haunt my old age
You're mine! Let none rend asunder my claims
Let no man come within a hundred-mile range
Under my thumb, you never heard Mick sing it?
Hello? I'm speaking in perfect English!
You don't like that one? How about the Beatles?
Run For Your Life, little girl, how did we go
So wrong? You're like "so long!" I wanna hold on
You're giving me the finger with the one I put the gold on
No long kiss goodbye, just a guy
Waiting outside to twist the knife
Is this the life you promised to share with me?
Honestly? Didn't you want to be there with me?
God, you embarrassed me, swearing so carelessly.
Why in the fucking world did you marry me?
Only one person can stop this thing.
One selfish person who's not list'ning
One that I purchased when I bought this ring
Worthless the instant it blessed crossed fingers
. Let's not linger, it's late
Love is a flame and its cinder is hate
It's in her to make my heart splinter and break
And I'll die if she makes this one single mistake
For real.
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3. |
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magic girl, I'm a magic girl
anime
I got a transformation sequence, wanna see it
It's how I use my energy to keep this identity secret
My theme music receives a remix every season
So when my enemies peep it next, we can still keep it fresh
I'm a regular school girl in most other ways
Up late, so I race out the gate, piece of toast in my face
I struggle with my grades, plus romance and good and evil, lots to juggle in my days
I never would have agreed if my magical animal had took the trouble to explain
Uh uh. it's too much stress and too much work
A constant choice between hanging with my friends and saving the earth
All the strength and the courage and the faith and endurance and the patience and purpose
While saving your hash? I hate that shit, it's a pain in the ass
Rather lay in the grass. Daydream, be a teenager at last
But no, it's endless rematches with demons we have slain in the past
I don't even wear a mask, how hard is it to recognize
I'm teen angst weaponized, sound like a cool job? I guess it's mine
I'm a anime I'm a I'm a anime
Magic girl, I'm a magic girl
Transform like Usagi, you know I’m kawaii
Making a wave like tsunami, watching Toonami
Know I got taste like umami
Don’t find it funny I’m making some bread
You don’t know me? Then off with your head
Madoka Magica episode three
Me and my friends will soon be your end
It just might hurt ya, capture your card like Sakura
All of these poses I murder, make your nose bleed like a
Pervert! Though when I battle I’m nervous
With the help of my friends I got courage
Together we better, we charge up the weapons
Bust your wig, wave of the sceptre
Me and my crew will be friends forever
With my cat that can talk, looking real bad when I walk
Yeah, got that sauce. Take down the boss
Doing the most with the bros
Kill ‘em with accessories, charging up the energy
Taking down these enemies - I don’t know how, but I’m
Getting back my memories! Fighting evil by moonlight
Winning love by daylight, never running from a real fight
I’m the sailor who’s got these weeaboos running
I’m the sailor who’s got these weeaboos stunting
I’m a anime I’m a I’m a anime
Magic girl, I’m a magic girl
It's commonplace when I'm on my way to see abominations and bad things
In my way, they'll hit the ground before I finish saying my complicated attack names
Or if it gets a little tense, if - for example - I'm needing any help
I just think about the power of friendship and believing in myself
And that does the trick, I must admit, I'm just the chick for the task at hand
But it clips my buzz a bit for serious, who is that mysterious masked man
He's saved me twice this week and i keep thinking it might be nice if he'd speak
But that might just be me? seems he'd rather teach me lessons like the price of defeat
Uh uh. I got confusing new emotions
From fear to young lust, impostor syndrome and going through the motions
If I quit the forces of evil will win, there's no one to oppose them
Plus my miniseries is coming to theatres soon, and I'm hoping you'll go to them
I’m the sailor who’s got these weeaboos running
I’m the sailor who’s got these weeaboos stunting
I’m a anime I’m a I’m a anime
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4. |
Pro-War Bumper Sticker
03:33
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10. |
broke
03:52
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11. |
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[Kaz Mega]
They eatin’ - aw, made u look
You a slave to a page in a cookbook
Where the cooks, look, Kentucky Fried buk buk
Plantation owners from the South, 1% crooks
I imagine that these Colonels be corny, courting the
99 percentile affording the rent now
Gourmet for Gentiles, scraps for the rest
We stay suckers for the suppers with a capital S
Heart burns from the reflux, ash in my chest
Bow my head, make sure that my rations are blessed (BLESS!)
Low moral fibre, these ?taxes? ain't wheat
Oil isn't gravy for cash we can't eat
[ApolloTheChild]
Up all night, I'm watching the sun rise
This is what it sounds like when months fly
[More or Les]
Sure, the
body is a temple - been a year and change since a
reno’ I can't veto's been in motion and taints any
meal that I consume. Try to resume a sane diet
of some kind - sur-prise - it's not to blame though. It's
not what I'm eatin’, it's what my stomach does with it.
Fast track to feeling cheated when it seems like nothin’ isn't
new, and shit happens out the blue. So now I'm seein’ red.
Food choices used to be live, but now they're like The Evil Dead.
A horror flick for a bathroom trip. That's sorta’
glib, but my weight, health, and mood dip. IBS
should stand for “I'll Be Stressed” - a more true fit. A cycle
that'll feed into itself and produce shit.
[Jesse Dangerously]
You gonna finish that? I been eyeing it
thinking you might not, I'm caught, i admit
look what you got there, put it in my cross-hairs
i am pissing off the armchair dietitians
sly sleight of the wrist, I'm the scientist of scraps
hashtag: signs you the side dish
that's as polite as i get, harsh looks when my hunger grows
darker than when Garth Brooks's thunder rolls
Stuff a cork in it, stick a fork in it. Smile just to
Show my teeth, I'm sick of forcing it
Bread stick bayonet to kill a soldier
Keep a boulder under my tongue, i fill a molar
Like you fire a mortar, embedded like a star reporter
soul searching, tore apart like a car at the border
hardcore carnivore, maraud the vegan part of the
store; gotta leave em starving for more!
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12. |
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chicken milk x 4
(swag nog) chicken milk
say who, say what? say chicken milk
mm mm, chicken milk
say who, say WHAT?
[Lars]
Seasons greetings, pleased to meet cha
See me eating a piece of pizza
Happy New Year, auld lang sine
wave, editing all the dang time
Heard it through the grapevine, not much longer
Santa's coming, playtime's over
Sugar come dance like sugar plum visions
Should have done, would have done, could have but didn't
Isn't it grand? Here we come a-wassailing
Jostling around like my name was Jocelyn
El-ders, still the best lesson
Winners don't use word to Billy F Sessions
Snowy than a mug like the pic on Jeff Sessions
Picaresque beats, let us kick our best essence
Mm, yes, Tiny Tim with the blessings
Toast to the ghost of Christmas Presents!
[jesse]
I don't celebrate holidays I celebrate
Always, fill up my pillowcase dollface
All day breakfast all night radio
Broadcast, hunter in the tall grass, paleo
Way to go, dasher, blitzen, Dancer
Mikal kHill when he kicked the cancer
Knock on wood, shoot for the stars
If you don't know Lars then you doggone should
chicken milk
(swag nog) chicken milk
say who, say what? say chicken milk
mm mm, chicken milk
say who, say WHAT?
(swag nog) chicken milk
say who, say what? say chicken milk
mm mm, chicken milk
say who, say WHAT?
[jesse]
hot chocolate with the melted chips
caramel drizzle and whip
one time my nog had shell bits from the
blender! i was like, three days later - return to sender
damn! bought my own super nintender
Paper route cash, hey big spender
Ninety Two til Infinitoo
Try to not be too cynical
[Lars]
Now we don our gay apparel
Wrap a gift and say a carol
Santa's list says nice and naughty
Don't just stand there, hide the bodies!
Psych - you're not a murderer, more of a
Nurturer, kind and polite! Silent Night
Away in a manger, trust me!
Must be Jesse, Danger Ously!
(swag nog) chicken milk
say who, say what? say chicken milk
mm mm, chicken milk
say who, say WHAT?
(swag nog) chicken milk
say who, say what? say chicken milk
mm mm, chicken milk
say who, say WHAT?
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13. |
Good For Ya
03:13
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i value my friendship w bruno gerussi's granddaughter
killing it without really trying - manslaughter
is man's dominion over land & water absolute?
or is every other animal mad at you?
hi, I'm the first sign of trouble
the worst kind of bubble to burst, I'm not subtle
What's the scuttlebut? Brush up your rebuttals, buster
You'll never outfox Jemima Puddleduck, motherfucker, come on
I'm Ellory Queen meets Ernest Scribbler
I form my lips into a perfect cylinder
And whistle like Roger Whittaker. ahh, I'm only
Buggin. Centre channel, I'm Monie Love in
the middle, isolated like Jorun with Sony plugins!
No-one owes me nothin' - so pony up, then
Holy Fuck, I'm the borscht belt Brian Borschect
i wash, dry, press and iron horses, come on
I used to bump Born Jamericans "Boom Shak Attack"
and read the Upanishads as a youth
now I'm more experienced, I lose track of facts,
but I'm a huge fan of Shad, it's the truth
year after year i wear the same gear
if i don't get more fashion they won't let me stay queer
can't stand the heat, stay out the poly-cotton blend, I'm
Friends with Dolly Parton's friend they call the BEAST! (Don't fall asleep)
I like rap that's the same age now
as the jazz that it samples was when it came out,
Cousin. You can't feign doubt to hide ignorance
But I don't know if I'm on tour or itinerant??
I'm the jazz messengers, kurupt and daz dillinger
Alexander Graham Bell, cut the wax cylinder
I rock peninsular from Cape Breton to Ingonish
but I don't drink and fish, i sing the hits like I'm stinkin rich
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rap legend Jesse Dangerously Ottawa, Ontario
Genuine Independent Rap Legend (GIRL)
member of Backburner crew
half of Danger
Grove w Lizard Grove
half of The Library Steps w Ambeez & Illgil
one-third of Imaginary Friends w Thesis Sahib & MC Frank Deluxe
one-third of The Sentinels w ginzuintriplicate & Naked J
partially culpable for the nerdcore problem
... more
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